I had a chance to go to a Brad Paisley concert a few weeks ago. Granted, I am not a die hard country western fan, but I must admit that Brad really tore the place apart! He plays a wicked lead guitar, which was really showcased at the concert. I would throw him in the leagues with Eric Clapton and Jimmy Page. He is quite amazing! I also enjoyed the large video screen behind the stage which ran effects and videos during the concert. I particularly liked the rendition of "I'm Gonna Miss Her (The Fishing Song)." The video hi-lights his wife as always being stood up by his leaving to go fishing with the boys.
Granted, this song is a quite humorous and a lot of fun to watch and listen to, but it does set the stage for what I want to chat about in this blog. I have a friend, who I used to work with. He and his wife seemed to be the best. Two kids, a boy and a girl, twins! They invited my wife and I over for New Years. We had good food, watched a movie, did karaoke, and made a lot of noise at midnight.
My kids became their kids best friends. We did a lot together. We created a great friendship. Over the next few years I discovered that my friend was in a band. He was gone a lot playing gigs. He even gave me a copy of his first CD! It was cool to listen to his band. I had great admiration for his success. My wife became good friends with his wife. The kids had sleepovers. Things were good -- until my friends daughter told my daughter that her dad was moving out.
Ok, cut, stop the movie, timeout! What has happened here? Before I knew it, it was common news that my friends had separated. He was living across town in another house, while his wife and kids were living in the same house I had met them in. Details surfaced, mostly from my wife, who would spend time talking to my friend's wife... a lot of time.
More details, this time from the daughter. "My dad has a girl friend and I don't like her." "My dad's girlfriend is so cool!" "My dad took me and his girlfriend down to the lake for a week to stay on the houseboat."
And then, later, from the same daughter, "My mom's boyfriend is taking us to California for a week!" I won't belabor this point anymore as you can see this is the age-old American or for that matter, worldly pattern. Marriage, infidelity, divorce, marriage (repeat, repeat, repeat). What we don't usually see is what may be happening behind the scenes.
I found out that this culminating event was slow burning over many years. My friends had recognized their problems and had attempted to work them out, over three different Psychiatrists. With Psychiatrist number one, they delved into the husbands time that he spent away with his band -- and he took offense. With Psychiatrist number two, they delved into the wife's history, her mother, and brothers and sisters. This ended abruptly when the wife had had enough.
Psychiatrist number three didn't have a chance, as the damage was too ingrained by then. He worked with my friends, but I'm guessing they had given up. And then the poor choices by my friend shortly after that sealed the divorce.
I wish that I could fix the world, that every marriage would be, ten years later, like the first day. I realize, in reality, that this is not the case. For a marriage to work there needs to be give and take between husband and wife. There needs to be honesty, understanding, and above all love. Now I am not a psychiatrist, I will stop now, but suffice it to say, for a marriage to succeed, it takes work every day. Like Brad Paisley sings, too much fishing, or too much selfishness is not good for a marriage.
Till next time,
Bill
No comments:
Post a Comment