It's The Small Things...

What makes a person happy?  I could put a variety of things here, each would probably be different for each person.  For one it might be a snow storm, for another, a nice rainy evening, for yet another, a sunset or a hike through some mountain fields.

I had an experience, recently, that typifies how a small act of kindness made a real difference in my life.  My family makes a yearly pilgrimage to Provo, Utah to attend one of the largest 4th of July celebrations in the country.  Called Stadium of Fire, the show is both patriotic and entertaining, culminating with a fireworks show that seems to get bigger and better each year.

This years show featured David Archuleta and Braid Paisley.  David put on an awesome performance!  When Brad Paisley took that stage, the crowd went wild!  Brad performed a great collection of hits: humorous, serious, and for, "those in love."  At the end of the performance, and mind you, I had no idea when that was going to be, since Brad had told the audience, "We're going to play as long as they will let us tonight!"  So, he was playing a song called "Water", when, during the solo at the end he left the main stage and walked up on a platform that separated the two giant video screens at the back of the stage.  He continued his solo, and then the song ended and so did the Brad Paisley portion of Stadium of Fire.

Shortly after, my oldest son asked me if I had seen Brad Paisley's dramatic exit.  I replied with, "What?"  My son went on to say that after climbing up on the platform at the back of the stage, he waved good bye and jumped into the water that was displayed on the lower video screen.  A large splash was displayed on the bigger top video screen.  Then, when the splash has dissipated,  you could see "Brad" on the lower video screen swimming away until off the screen stage left.

I had missed this dramatic exit since I was attending to my youngest son, who is at the "me" age, which I am sure a lot of you will agree is their whole lifetime!  I am not a country western fan, but this evening Brad Paisley may have converted me.

After the Stadium of Fire had ended, I got to thinking, would there be any way that I could see a video of Brad's dramatic exit?  I checked YouTube and found a video, but it abruptly cuts to fireworks, thereby missing the complete Brad Paisley dramatic exit.  I had known that Stadium of Fire has been broadcast to all viewers of Armed Forces TV around the world.  I checked their schedule and found a rebroadcast, only problem, how do I get access to the channel?  Come to find out that you don't, only military installations have access.

But, wait.  I bet they make a DVD of the production to give to Stadium of Fire officials for review, etc.  I just happen to have a very good friend on the Stadium of Fire staff.  I contacted him and he did some checking for me and replied that they couldn't distribute a DVD of the show due to copyright agreements.  I was done, defeated.  I'd lost this endeavor.

A day later, I found this e-mail in my trash box.  It was from somebody that I didn't know.  I opened it and it asked why I wanted a DVD of the Stadium of Fire.  I looked up the name and came to find out that it was the Executive Director of America's Freedom Festival at Provo, none other than Paul Warner himself!

After discussing my wish with Paul, he explained, that under contract with the entertainers, he was unable to provide me with a DVD of the show, but invited me to his office to view it.  I setup a date to return to Provo.

A few weeks later, I met Paul in his deluxe office, one that reminds me of a successful law firm.  I could tell instantly that Paul was a very kind and generous man.  His is a full time job of planning a yearly event that brings much happiness to thousands of people.  Comprising scores of events, Stadium of Fire is but one, but easily the front-runner of the bunch!

(Paul Warner is on the left.)

After exchanging greetings, we went into his board room which contained one of the largest HD Televisions I have ever seen.  He loaded up the DVD and located Brad Paisley singing "Water."  We watched the whole song.  At the end, Brad walked up on top of the stage that split the two video screens.  Continued jamming on his solo and then lowered his guitar to a waiting stage hand, but the lower video screen showed as he lowered the guitar that it had fallen in the water and sunk to the bottom of the screen.  Then Brad waved to the audience and "jumped" into the water.  Well actually, jumped off the back of the stage hopefully into some sort of cushy landing spot or the arms of a big burly stage hand!  The lower video screen showed him sinking into the water while a giant splash was displayed on the top video screen.  Then, Brad swan off stage left on the lower video screen.  The effect was awesome!  The timing perfect!  I was amazed!

As a kind of bonus, Paul let me stay and watch the half-hour fireworks display (which was good, but couldn't touch that of the real show!).  When I was ready to leave, I thanked Paul again and he rewarded me by giving me a tour of his building and answering some questions about the show.  Lastly he gave me a shirt that was given out during this years freedom run, which was a part of the 4th of July celebration.

I have been quite busy lately.  Lots of work and play, so not a lot of posts recently, but this one act of kindness, this one small thing really made my day, the day I was able to see Brad Paisley's dramatic exit!

Forever Strong

Today I received notification that the most winning High School Rugby Coach ever has decided to serve a three-year mission for his church.  This is very typical of Larry Gelwix.  In fact, most of you have probably heard of Larry through the very popular movie, "Forever Strong."

Larry coached the Highland Rugby Team to 19 National Championships, with a career record of 404 wins and 10 loses.  This spanned 1976 until 2010.  They also represented the USA in the World Schools Rugby Championship in Zimbabwe, Africa, bringing home a bronze medal third-place finish.

Larry is known as a very demanding coach.  He requires all of his players to sign a non-negotiable honor code that includes avoiding alcohol, tobacco, and drugs, among other things.  He formulated what he calls the 5 Championship Strategies for Sustainable Success.  Here are three of the five.

Choose What Team You Are Going to Play For.  We can not have divided loyalty.  You don't normally help the other team win.  Pick what jersey you are going to wear and be dang proud to wear it!  My daughter plays competitive soccer and this is a resounding theme from the coach and club.

Don't Play With Snakes.  Sooner of later we will get bit if we play with snakes.  There is right and wrong in this world, and our conscience will tell us when we need to know.  We all know what snakes are and to avoid them.  Don't think for a second that you won't get bit.

Don't Go Thirsty.  In life we need water.  Without it we will die.  Especially in sports we need water.  My son has participated in karate for quite a while.  This past week his karate studio is moving to a bigger building.  They moved the drinking fountain to the new building, while still using the old building for class.  I told myself that I needed to send a water bottle with my son this week, but I forgot.  When I met him at the studio after work, he and his classmates were drinking water from the bathroom sink!  Boy did I feel bad.  We also need living water in our lives.  If you are religious, the Bible can provide this for you.  If not, a good solid role model can do it.

I wish I could find the other two, but no luck.  Larry also uses other principles in his coaching, such as staying away from things you know are wrong, attitude and effort, W.I.N. what's important now, which encourages his players to make decisions that support what they want in the future, and to focus on the final score of life.  He also encourages his players to be true to the beliefs of their own individual faith.

Larry is known for personal quotes that he uses both to coach and when he speaks to youth groups.  Some of these quotes are as follows:

• "Good decisions don't make life easy, but they do make it easier."
• "The true test of a man is what he will do when no one will know."
• "The essence of a lie is not the words you choose, but the message you convey."
• "If you lose your integrity, you've lost everything."
• "I want you to be forever strong on the field, so that you will be forever strong off the field."
• "I don't build championship teams, I build championship boys."
• "Practice doesn't make perfect, practice makes permanent."

My daughter has a coach that is very much like Larry.  She is set on developing girls for life, not just for the game.  Her interactions with both the girls and their parents are built on solid morals.

Good coaches typically are the prodigy of other good coaches.  My daughter's soccer coach played college soccer for a coach who is still coaching college level soccer.  She has nothing but praise for that coach.  My daughter has nothing but praise for her coach.  Gosh!  if we could all be good coaches the world would be a much better place.  Suffice it to say, it is a good thing to have a good coach in your life.  Whether sports or other, it makes no difference.

Till next time,
Bill

I'm Gonna Miss Her...

I had a chance to go to a Brad Paisley concert a few weeks ago.  Granted, I am not a die hard country western fan, but I must admit that Brad really tore the place apart!  He plays a wicked lead guitar, which was really showcased at the concert.  I would throw him in the leagues with Eric Clapton and Jimmy Page.  He is quite amazing!  I also enjoyed the large video screen behind the stage which ran effects and videos during the concert.  I particularly liked the rendition of "I'm Gonna Miss Her (The Fishing Song)."  The video hi-lights his wife as always being stood up by his leaving to go fishing with the boys.

Granted, this song is a quite humorous and a lot of fun to watch and listen to, but it does set the stage for what I want to chat about in this blog.  I have a friend, who I used to work with.  He and his wife seemed to be the best.  Two kids, a boy and a girl, twins!  They invited my wife and I over for New Years.  We had good food, watched a movie, did karaoke, and made a lot of noise at midnight.

My kids became their kids best friends.  We did a lot together.  We created a great friendship.  Over the next few years I discovered that my friend was in a band.  He was gone a lot playing gigs.  He even gave me a copy of his first CD!  It was cool to listen to his band.  I had great admiration for his success.  My wife became good friends with his wife.  The kids had sleepovers.  Things were good -- until my friends daughter told my daughter that her dad was moving out.

Ok, cut, stop the movie, timeout!  What has happened here?  Before I knew it, it was common news that my friends had separated.  He was living across town in another house, while his wife and kids were living in the same house I had met them in.  Details surfaced, mostly from my wife, who would spend time talking to my friend's wife... a lot of time.

More details, this time from the daughter.  "My dad has a girl friend and I don't like her."  "My dad's girlfriend is so cool!"  "My dad took me and his girlfriend down to the lake for a week to stay on the houseboat."

And then, later, from the same daughter, "My mom's boyfriend is taking us to California for a week!"  I won't belabor this point anymore as you can see this is the age-old American or for that matter, worldly pattern.  Marriage, infidelity, divorce, marriage (repeat, repeat, repeat).  What we don't usually see is what may be happening behind the scenes.

I found out that this culminating event was slow burning over many years.  My friends had recognized their problems and had attempted to work them out, over three different Psychiatrists.  With Psychiatrist number one, they delved into the husbands time that he spent away with his band -- and he took offense.  With Psychiatrist number two, they delved into the wife's history, her mother, and brothers and sisters.  This ended abruptly when the wife had had enough.

Psychiatrist number three didn't have a chance, as the damage was too ingrained by then.  He worked with my friends, but I'm guessing they had given up.  And then the poor choices by my friend shortly after that sealed the divorce.

I wish that I could fix the world, that every marriage would be, ten years later, like the first day.  I realize, in reality, that this is not the case.  For a marriage to work there needs to be give and take between husband and wife.  There needs to be honesty, understanding, and above all love.  Now I am not a psychiatrist, I will stop now, but suffice it to say, for a marriage to succeed, it takes work every day.  Like Brad Paisley sings, too much fishing, or too much selfishness is not good for a marriage.

Till next time,
Bill

The Importance of Teachers!

I was driving into work this morning listening to a local news station.  The host was talking about teachers who had made a difference in your life.  Lots of people called in and talked about their favorite grade school or high school teacher.  Then one person called in and stated that Mr. Rogers had made a significant  impact in their life.

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I am sure that any of you who are reading this, know who Mr. Rogers is.  I have fond memories sitting down with my young children and watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.  It was a PBS anchor, a must for young parents raising young children.  Mr. Rogers was the poster child of true love, kindness, and the motto, "A soft voice can sooth the savage beast."  He was always calm, with a soft voice that invited you to come into his world and let him care for you.  He was a true example for parents of all ages.  In fact, I recall enjoying his show as much as my children did.

I can easily recall all six of my grade school teachers, well actually seven if you count kindergarten.  Mrs. Butler - Kindergarten, Mrs. Higgens - First Grade, Mrs. Stoddard - Second Grade, Mrs. Weaver - Third Grade, Mrs. Davies - Fourth Grade, Mr. Olsen - Fifth Grade, and My Sixth Grade, who will remain nameless for reasons you will find out late.

I find it interesting that I can remember all of my grade school teachers names.  I also can picture their faces and the many experiences I had with them easily in my mind.  They were molding my life.  They were and continue to be a integral part of me.  Now, as a parent, it is a wonderful experience to meet and get to know my kids teachers -- to feel the love that they have for both my kids and being a teacher.  In fact, I have a sister that is a teacher.  She is a marvelous person.  I can feel her love every time I am around her.  She also loves to talk about her classes, the school she teaches in, and her students.

In particular, I had an absolutely awesome fifth grade teacher.  Mr Olsen is the poster child of a teacher.  He really cared about me and my classmates.  He loves to teach and make each and every day an adventure in learning.

Mr. Olsen would make each day better than the previous day.  We had an overnight winter camp at the school district's summer camp.  We went on many field trips to reinforce the concepts that he was teaching in the class room.  He even made preparing for the dance festival fun, because, as I recall, girls were still "yucky" at that time.

The qualities of a good teacher can be summed up in a article by Catherine Tayor-Lagos, here, which, paraphrased, goes like this:   What is a good teacher?  Depending on one's perspective, this question has many valid answers.

• A child might say that a good teacher makes learning fun, is fair, and assigns no homework!
• A Parent might say that a good teacher is organized, has good control of the class, and challenges students.
• Administrators might say a good teacher follows district guidelines, presents curriculum effectively, and contributes to the school community.
• The school custodian may say that a good teacher is tidy, has students clean up after themselves, and makes reasonable demands on his/her time.

The following are generalized attributes of a good teacher:

• Sees each student as an individual with hopes, dreams, strengths, and vulnerabilities.
• Knows their students on many levels.  She learns all she can about a student's academic strengths and needs, but also about their interests, fears, hopes, and worries.
• Helps students develop, achieve, and maintain strong self-esteem.
• Helps students feel that they are special, unique, and wonderful.
• Allows students to see and get to know his real self, not hiding behind the teacher role.
• Remembers that each student is somebody's precious child, is important and valuable.
• Tries to see things through her student's eyes as well as her own.
• Works hard to be fair, empathetic, and encouraging.
• Not afraid to try new things, to look a little silly, to show a little sadness, to be a little angry, to get mighty excited, or to act really happy.
• Not afraid to apologize, or say he made a mistake.
• Makes learning exciting, an adventure!
• Know that no one can be a good teacher to every student every day, but she continues to try -- knowing that is she can be a good teacher to every student many days that she has been successful.
• Shares what they have learned with other teachers.
• Becomes attached to her students, knowing that it will be hard to say good bye at the end of the school year.  Hopes that those students will come back to visit, and even if they don't, that they will carry her in their futures and remember her with their successes.

I am so grateful for good teachers, especially in my kids lives.  There is one particular teacher at my kids elementary school that all of them have had, my youngest this past school year.  She is an exceptional teacher, remembers all of my kids names and the attributes that define them.  She really cares about them, you can feel it when you are in her classroom.

I am also grateful for the protections that are afforded parents in the classroom today.  As much as I don't enjoy discussing it, my sixth grade teacher was probably the worst person I have had to spend an extended period of time with.  Back when I was in elementary school, parents didn't have the luxury of law suites or disciplinary councils.  My sixth grade teacher has a serious temper problem.  He would commonly pick boys up by the hair above the neck.  He actually took me out in the hall and banged my head against the coat rack one time.  (Maybe I deserved disciplinary action, but definitely not physical abuse.)  Of course I told my parents about this and other incidents.  They talked to the Principal, who calmed them down, but did nothing about the problems.  Funny thing is, 25 years later, I remember all these incidents too.  And when this sixth grade teacher was awarded some city service award a few years back (I read it in the newspaper), a flood of memories ran through my head.  I even thought about calling up the city to let them know about what had happened, but decided that it wasn't worth causing pain in an elderly gentleman's life.

I am grateful for the other five, well six if you count kindergarten teachers, and the many Junior High and High School teachers that molded me and made me what I am today.  Teachers are the ice cream of our lives.  Hopefully all of your teachers have been good and loving to you.

Till next time,
Bill

Men are from Alpha Centuri and Women are from The Milky Way

I realize that the title to this blog is a play on the famous relationship book, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," by John Gray.  I, unlike John Gray, am not a P.H.D. in psychology, so my comments today will not have any scientific basis to them, but all come from experience.  With that out of the way, I have to sit here and think about what one thing causes innumerable problems in a marriage.  If you were to guess what that one thing might be, what would you say?  If you guessed communication, you would be right.

A very good friend of mine spent many years teaching at an Ivy League school.  His specialty was and continues to be Communication.  I intentionally went out of my way to take three of his classes when I was in college.  All three classes yelled the idea that listening is the key to effective communication.  In order to have effective communication, you have to have a (1) sender, the one creating the (2) message and a (3) receiver, the one who is listening.  If any of these three critical parts to communication falters, then you do not have effective communication.  Listening is really an art.  It is manifest by good eye contact with the sender.  It is funny, but my youngest boy demands my full attention when he talks to me.  If my eyes so much as wander away from his face when he is talking to me, he will scold me for not listening to him, when I am still listening.

So when it comes to a marriage, it is critical that a husband and a wife have effective communication if they want to get along.  I did something that may not have been the smartest thing in the world, but I bought a Hummer.  As you know, these are not the cheapest cars in the world.  Shortly after buying this, I was unexpectedly laid off from my hi-tech job I had worked at for over 10 years.  Of course I immediately started looking for a new job.  My wife was working part time for a local doctor.  While looking for my new job, my wife came home and announced that she had changed her hours at the office for summer, reducing her weekly hours by 4.  My initial reaction was that I didn't want to loose my Hummer and by my wife reducing her hours that would put my Hummer is danger.  So, I unwisely became all upset with my wife.  Granted all that did was cause her to get upset and lock herself in our bedroom for the rest of the night!

So, let's analyze this situation.  First, second, and third of all, in fact all of the "all's" the main problem here is communication.  If I had been open about my concern about possibly loosing my Hummer, my wife may have been more sympathetic about her work situation.  She may have actually tried to add more hours to her summer schedule to assist me with my financial situation.  If my wife had been more open about why she wanted to cut back her time working (to spend more time giving, as in community service), maybe we would have been able to meet half way and come to a solution that would benefit both of us.

Another situation might center around time.  A few nights ago my wife stated that she was going to take my son to rugby practice.  I interpreted this to mean she was going to drop him off at practice and come back home.  Two hours later, when my youngest son is demanding dinner, I am getting angry because I don't know where my wife is.  Yet another hour later my wife and Rugby son come home.  I ask her were she had been and she said that she decided to stay and watch the practice.

By this time I was quite angry and I was the one who stomped off and went and hid in the computer room.  So, how could this situation have been averted?  When my wife took my Rugby son to practice, after about a half an hour, I just needed to call her up and see what her plans were.  Then I would have taken on responsibility to make dinner for my youngest son.  OR, my wife could have told me she was planning on staying for the whole Rugby practice as she was heading out the door.  Either way, I would know what I needed to do for the evening and there would have been no hard feelings.


Communication is the key.  Time is the key.  Take the extra minutes to make sure that you and your wife are continually on the same wave length and hopefully you will have a long and happy marriage.

Till next time,
Bill

Judge Not ... Lest Ye Be Judged

I am associated with a religious organization that provides a summer camp for kids.  My daughter went to this camp recently.  Several young women from our congregation went the same week, along with several Moms to provide leadership and support.

Now Girls Camp should be a good experience for everyone, and since this is a week-long camp, it was up to the last day.  My daughter would text me each evening before she went to bed.  She was excited about all the hikes and crafts and outdoorshish things that she was doing.  She even caught a squirrel in a trap she made from a tin can!  (She let it go.)

So she had lots of fun doing the camp scheduled things, but of course she did all the things that a young girl would do at camp including pranks and more pranks and still more pranks.  That is what caused a bit of a problem on the Thursday evening before going home on Friday.  You see, there were four girls in their cabin, and one girl thought it would be funny to pants another girl.  (For those of you who don't know, pantzing is pulling down the pants of someone.)  Now, these girls had returned from an afternoon hike, where they had worn shorts.  Towards evening, as it got colder, they had put on sweat pants, so this first pantzing caused the girl to still be in her shorts.  Funny, yes, damaging, no.  So, the girl who was pantzed turns around and pantzes my daughter.  Now all four girls are laughing and carrying on in a humorous manner.  My daughter then pantzes another girl, who apparently wasn't wearing shorts under her sweat pants.  (Now remember, these four girls are the only ones inside their cabin...) This girl, who had been laughing when the other two girls were pantzed, lets out a blood curling scream, pulls up her sweat pants and runs out of the cabin screaming like someone had pointed a gun at her!

Of course all the Girls Camp leaders run to see what the matter was.  This girl tells them that she had been terrorized and that what had happened to her was the most traumatic event of her life!  She would never be the same!  And that my daughter was the devil himself!

Rather than try and find out what had happened, several of the leaders ran over to my daughter and criticized her for what she had done.  They didn't try to get the whole picture that a small group of girls were just trying to have some fun.  They put my daughter through the ringer and would not listen to her side, nor the other two girls side of the story.  So by this time, my daughter had returned to her cabin and was in tears!  What a way for a Girls Camp experience to end.  And this would have been the end of the story if it were not for a Samaritan leader who went into my daughter's cabin, waited for her to calm down, and talked with her.  When my daughter was able to speak, she told this counselor that what had happened was a innocent joke gone wrong.  The counselor also talked to the other two girls involved, and they supported my daughter.  The she went and talked to the girl who had freaked out, running out of the cabin screaming.  She admitted that maybe, just maybe, she had over reacted.

 

In the aftermath of the evening, according to my daughter, since I wasn't there, the counselor that had heard her side of the story talked with all the involved leaders.  Even though a lot of the leaders still, firmly, felt that my daughter was in the wrong, most softened up.  My daughter, being the way she is, immediately made up with the girl who thought she was victim.

After all this was over, the last major event of the camp Thursday night was a get-together by the fire where the girls and leaders have a chance to discuss how they have enjoyed the camp.  The counselor that had helped my daughter invited her to come to the fireside chat.  My daughter instinctively didn't want to, but she softened up and went.  The other leaders and girls came.  Camp ended the way that it should have.  When my daughter came home, she didn't want to worry about what had happened, she just put it behind her, chocked it up to experience.  I like that attitude.  I hope that the leaders will feel the same way.  I do appreciate the counselor who did not judge and helped my daughter out of a particularly perilous situation.

I'm going to try my darnedest to not judge people.  It is so hard sometimes.  I just need to try and feel what the person that I want to judge may be feeling.

Til next time,
Bill

The Perils of Technical Writing

I used to work for the top Networking company in the world, Novell, Inc.  During my tenure there as a programmer/software engineer, I had the forced opportunity to do a lot of technical writing.  I wrote product specifications.  I wrote multitudes of engineering paperwork.  I wrote API documentation.  I created on-line tutorials for Novell's third-party developers.  Needless to say, I did a lot of writing.

After many years at Novell, my product was sent overseas and I was a part of a massive layoff.  However, the powers that be requested that I continue to write documents, "How To's", for Novell's Developers and Partners.  They would give me requested subject matter and I would write up a tutorial, or in depth article on the subject matter.  As time went on, I started working for another company, Novell put more trust in me and would ask me to come up with my own subject matter.  I obliged.  Everything went well until I wrote an article on the myriad of programming languages that could be used to interface with Novell NetWare/Identity Manager/eDirectory.  I covered at least 25 programming languages showing how to use them to interact with the Novell products.  The problem was that I wasn't an expert in most of them (I am a C/C++/C# and Java programmer).

I was writing and providing examples for Pearl, PL/M, AWK, BASIC, PHP, and a bunch of others.  I did my best.  I provided examples that worked and interfaced with Novell's products.  The article was published on Novell's partner and developer website.  It didn't take too long before the comments started coming in.  Over 200 the day it was published.  Most were negative stating that I didn't know what I was doing with PERL, or PHP, etc., etc.  These comments were being made by programmers who use their respective languages every day.  They knew the ins and outs and accepted procedures for these languages.  I did not.  I took a lot of criticism over this article.  I bowed my head and didn't write another article for Novell.

I don't know how many negative comments came in over that one article.  I have since learned my lesson.  Creating just one sloppy, badly researched article can cast a dark shadow over hundreds of great, useful, creative articles.  As a Technical Writer, one needs to make sure that they are masters of the subject matter.  If not, you better have a contact or friend that can proof read your works before you submit them.  I still love to write, but when I do so for money, I make sure that the subject matter is correct, that I have an expert in the subject matter proof read my article for technical accuracy, and lastly, have a lay person read it to make sure it is understandable for the desired audience.

Till next time,
Bill